Calling all cry-babies! It is I! Your leader!

SOMETHING happened! It was terrible! Down right awful! I was at the place doing my thing when you know who walked in and stomped all over my day! WHAT happened is not important, all you need to know is, I didn't like it. Leaving the place I'm feeling blue. In the car blue turns to BLACK and arriving home to an empty house morphs black into ugly despair which all but demands to be let out! Calling my husband at work I release my story on him and wait impatiently for it to draw the response I want. NO! The response I NEED to feel better, to continue my day! The silence is tense, but the "hmmm" that follows is painfully inadequate and only adds to my swelling furry. "You're no help! Why can't you say something useful?" I'm outraged that he won't give up the words of comfort! Why won't he just say what I need to hear? He should KNOW what I need to hear! After all, he is my husband. Giving up on forcing it out of my other half, I speed dial my sister, my beautiful, therapeutic, great listener of a sister! Being 5 years older than myself, she usually knows what it's like to GO through whatever I'm GOING through and gives the best advice on GETTING through. She picks up with a curt "YES?" Oh no. I can hear the kids screaming at one another, I hear her husband asking her who's calling, I hear her neighbor greeting her from the door as she breezes right in. I hear my sister make a defeated groan and whisper "Can we talk later?" right before I hear the *CLICK*. Another dud. I'm pathetic enough that if she were avaliable, I WOULD call my mother just to get this out. But sadly for me, she's out of town and won't be calling me until much later tonight. Boy did she doge a bullit! I need to talk NOW! Sitting on the couch seething about the general state of the world, mine especially, I'm feeling dissapointment on top of anger, saddness on top of the new arrival, lonliness. Even though I know they are human, imperfect and incomplete, I still count on them to fulfill my needs, whatever my needs, whenever I need them. WHY am I so dense? Because I'm the silly brown moth, diving for the light I think I need and only drowning myself in the process. Dosn't God promise me that he will never fail? Did he not say that he will never leave me nor forsake me? Isn't he the great provider? These things are all true but slippery thoughts to hold onto when I'm floundering on Earth's surface with real and urgent needs while God graces his "throne above." The only way I'll ever learn to trust God, to take to him my aches and pains of daily living and truely leave them at his feet, the only way to have my needs fulfilled by the one being capable is to build my releationship with Him. I must learn to pray more and wail less. There is no deeper meaning here, only internal frustration at my own unwillingness to live like one who is SAVED. It is as if I turn my face away from God and say "No thank you Lord. I've got this. I don't need your grace or power. I'm a mighty human!" What a mighty silly human I am. Today I thank God for being REAL, for being present and tangible in my life on the days I have enough sense and awareness to let him.