I’ve gained 35lbs since getting married in 2008. Now I carry that weight around like sandbags duck taped to my body at odd angles. Getting in the car this morning took a little longer than usual and my husband kindly asked me “whats the problem?” To which I snapped “I’m trying not to slam my fat in the door!” I’ve had a cold for a week now and between the snot and the swelling inner tube around my waist, I have to sit up really straight and tug on the waistband of my pants at red lights in order to take a satisfactory breath. I’m paranoid I’ll be in a wreck if I loosen my pants and then all the female cops working the case will look down at my mangled body on the road side, immediately spot the open top button and say “that poor fat girl was just trying to breath!” That’s not how I want to go out.
It is time to lose the fat. But how? Instead of starting at the food or the gym, I’m going to start by praying. Food is a problem for me like drugs and alcohol are a problem for the addict in my life. What a hypocrite I am to tell them “Pray! God can heal your addiction!” while I munch on a candy bar as if being fat won’t kill me, as if heart attacks and diabetes can’t be a tool of Satan just as much as liver disease and kidney failure. It is time for us fat people to open our chubby little eyes and realize Satan is working among us in tasty and convenient ways. I start fighting my food addiction today with God, to honor God. But I also hope it inspires the addict in my life in a way that the words alone never did.
I heard a woman on the radio say that 8 years ago when God gave her a task she didn’t want to tell anyone in case she failed. So she struggled silently with her task all these years before it was complete and finally she reached her goal. Now, safe behind the finish line she speaks of trials and suffering and how great it is to labor for the Lord and all I can think is “easy for you to say, you’re done.” So I’m telling you now that God has called me to his service and I need to be healthy to do his work as he intended for it to be done. With God’s strength and love I will lose this weight and I invite you to watch my battle not because I’m not ashamed or shy about all my fat(because I am very ashamed and very shy about my fat) but because I expect great things from God and I want to share them with you.
UPDATE: On my last blog I spoke of $900 I did not have and very much needed to attend school this semester. Not only did the $900 appear but enough on top of that to pay for books AND keep our health insurance! PRAISE GOD for fulfilling my needs! I’m so excited about this I want to shout it! But I will settle for sneaking it into all of my conversations and blogging about it until shouting becomes a more acceptable form of communication.
